Ted Haggard

So, up until about an hour ago, I thought, probably like most people in America, that Ted Haggard was an evil hypocritical evangelical who demonized gays because of his own internal struggle. After watching the HBO documentary done by Nancy Pelosi's daughter, Alexandra Pelosi, who's work I love, I have completely changed my perception of Ted Haggard and what happened to him. I do think he hid a relationship and unnecessarily hurt a lot of people around him. While the Christianity his thousands of congregants came to receive at the church he founded was ultimately about forgiveness, I feel his has been banished primarily because of his sexual orientation, and almost of all of his actions stem from trying to hide the fact he was battling internal demons. When that struggle came to light, his church didn't support him, they threw him out on the street. If it was just meth...he is still preaching every Sunday. But because he happened to have slept with a man, all of the sudden he was unfit to even live in the state, and he is still forbidden from setting foot in the church he founded. Watch the documentary if you get the chance.

Now I just feel sorry for him. He was molested by one of his father's workers when he was in second grade, and he is battling his belief system which tells him he is a sinner vs. what he feels inside. He was on top of the world, and now he has fallen to being broke, selling health insurance door to door on the road. His church exiled him. He founded a mega church, which then banned him from ever entering it. His family owned a house in Colorado, but since his church banned him from ever entering the state, he had to leave and ended up in deep debt. He now sells life insurance in Colorado.

Just plain awful, and the unsavory nature of this church makes me hate evangelicals all the more. Hypocrites, every single one. People in glass houses with a lot of stones come to mind. Dude wasn't perfect, but what I just got from watching him in his own words without any media filter, is a good man who wants to help people, but he was shunned by the community he knew for 30 years because of who he was. He was genuinely a good person who is struggling with who he is, and the tragic part is that he is still trying to convince himself he can live the life of a Christian his church tells him he can't be. He still loves Jesus. Still reads the bible. He never gets angry. He just smiles, and is a generally happy person, who wants his family to be financially secure and out of the spotlight. He hid his homosexuality because the life and circles he led would have shunned him, like they did, if it ever came out.

Yet he is still fighting the battle. He still struggles with being gay, and loves his wife and children very much. He is basically in the same spot he was before he was outed in 2005, it is just now it is all public. He hasn't progressed at all. He is still in denial, trying to reconcile the feelings he has with the words in the book he loves. He says that he wouldn't go back, as now the weight has been lifted, and he has apparently learned a lot from therapists. But my point is more that he has his entire life taken away from him because he is gay. His church leaders are going to say it was because he was lying, but the Ted Haggard today and the Ted Haggard of yesterday clearly feels what he is feeling is wrong. It is his church's and religion's intolerance that led to his life being ripped away and thrown into the spotlight. I am not trying to absolve him of his responsibility in pushing that intolerance, but I am trying to say that people can't change who god made them to be, even if a book says they're sinners.

My opinion is that he should be starting a new church. He says in the HBO documentary that the purpose of the church on earth is to help people work through their sin. I may find that to be complete nonsense, but I know he and a lot of others find comfort with that notion, and just by going to church, people feel better about themselves, their lives, and are ultimately happier. Medical studies back this up. He shouldn't prevent himself from using his considerable talents to help people because he views himself, and has been told all his life, that he is a sinner. He should use his story of dealing with sin to help others. And then, when he comes to realize that his feelings aren't a sin, he should lead the charge from a religious perspective, on the inclusion of gays in the greater evangelical community. I gauranfuckingtee that there are a ton of evangelicals, especially young evangelicals, uncomfortable with demonizing gays and lesbians.

At my core, when someone tells me I can't or shouldn't do something I'll do it just to prove them wrong. That is what I think Ted Haggard should do here. Put the church he founded, the church that banned him from a state and from ever entering the premises, put those turncoat motherfuckers out of business and help a lot of people in the process. If Ted Haggard ever sells you insurance, tell him I said this.